Can You Change Back?
by Oi-Watch-It-Spaceman
Summary: Rose and the Doctor are arguing again, but it's different this time. When Rose let's slip that she sometimes misses his previous incarnation, she and the Doctor have to confess their feelings, or risk destroying their relationship forever. TenxRose. Mentions of NinexRose.
1. Chapter 1

**I just needed to write this because I feel like it must've been hard for Rose to not get to say goodbye to Nine before he regenerated, and how at some moments she must wish for him back. Hope you enjoy!**

"What was that back there?" Rose was standing by one of the railings in the console room, watching the Doctor fly the TARDIS away from their last adventure and into the vortex for some maintenance. The rocking motion of the sentient ship stilled, and Rose continued to stare silently at the Doctor until the pressure to answer became too much for him.

"What was what?"

"He said it. He said that he assumed we were together and you made a face." It had just been a man, a man they had met whilst saving the world they had been on from an alien attack. No-one particularly different than anyone else who had ever assumed the exact same thing about them.

"So?" The Doctor pushed a few more buttons , not meeting her gaze. There was definitely something wrong, then. Before, she might've thought she was imagining things, but his inability to look her in the face and grin at her like he always did confirmed her suspicions.

"Well people assume that all the time. It seems obvious to them." In Rose's head she was itching to tell him that it was obvious to everyone but _him_, but she exercised self control. "And you never normally get like this."

"Well maybe I'm just sick of it, that's all." Rose felt herself shrink back slightly. That hurt. Why would he mind? He had never minded before, he had even enjoyed people making assumptions about them, she was certain.

"What are you talking about? Sick of it, what does that mean?" Maybe it would've been wiser to leave it alone, but she was standing there in the TARDIS with him, and he was doing that thing where he pretended to look at the console so he could avoid eye contact with her, and Rose just couldn't stand it any longer.

"It was nothing, Rose, something and nothing, it doesn't matter now." He shifted, looking at the screen and not at her. Rose couldn't stand it any longer.

"Why can't you just tell me? Why are you always trying to avoid giving me a straight answer? God, this was so much easier before you—" She cut herself off, unable to finish that thought, never mind that sentence, because she could tell just by the Doctor's face that he knew what she had been about to say.

"And there was me thinking that you understood that I was still the same person, that I still _am _the same person, always!"

"I do understand that, I really do, you know I do! But it's just... I got back to him, to _you, _when you sent me away on the Gamestation. When I woke up, the last thing I could remember was the wanting to get back to you so badly that I would do anything, the feeling that you were the most important thing that I had to save – not the universe, just you. All of a sudden I'm back and you're here and the Daleks are gone, and then you turn into another person right in front of me. Now I get that you're the same person and everything, but can't you understand why I might miss the last you, taking into account the lack of closure or even a proper goodbye?"

The Doctor had his hands in his pockets now. Rose felt uncertain. They had never done this before – sure, they had argued, but this was something very different and she wasn't sure she liked where it was headed. "So, you blame me for regenerating without saying goodbye." He didn't sound angry or understanding or even confused. His words were even; his tone perfectly balanced in order to stop Rose knowing what was going on inside his head. Not that she had to wonder for long.

"No, of course not, but I just wish it could've been slower, it all happened so fa—"

"Do you want to know, Rose? Do you want to know what happened that day? Because I'll tell you the truth if you want to know!" He stopped, waiting, looking at her face for a reaction. Rose did not waver, her eyes boring into the Doctor's as he began to unleash some of the anger that she had never thought would be directed at her. "I saved your life. You absorbed the Time Vortex to get back to me, you destroyed the Daleks and you brought back Jack, but you were dying. The Human mind isn't built to deal with that kind of power, so I took it from you. I managed to give it back to the TARDIS, but the effort and the damage it caused nearly killed me. _That's _why _I_ regenerated. _That's _why I became this. Because of you. I gave my life for you, Rose! I gave up everything that I was to save you, and yet you still can't be satisfied with just me – you want him back!" The Doctor broke off, fury blazing in his eyes, his body rigid. He seemed torn between staying to see what her reaction was or simply running away, the way he always did.

Rose was utterly stunned. She had always wondered what had happened on the Game Station, but her joy at finding her way back to the Doctor again and her shock at his regeneration had driven any thoughts of an explanation out of her head.

"I'm sorry Doctor. I didn't know. You could've told me all this before – it was something I needed to know."

"But you _do _want _him _back. Don't you?" Rose didn't answer. "Don't you?!"

"Fine! Sometimes I wish you were still the old you. Are you happy now, is that what you wanted me to say?"

"Of course, Rose." His voice had picked up a deeply sarcastic tone that didn't suit him, and Rose found herself attempting not to wince, as if his words could actually leap through the space between them and strike her – she had never heard him sound so angry since...well, ironically, since he had been his previous self. "That's what everyone wants to hear, that their best friend wishes they were someone else. They changed to save their best friend's life and now she doesn't want them any more."

Rose threw up her hands in frustration, turning away and pacing across the grating in an attempt to get a grip on this conversation that was spiralling out of control, hurtling dangerously fast towards being a full blown fight. His over use of the term "best friend" didn't help either, considering what it was that had sparked off the entire argument.

"It's not that I don't love _this _you." She realised that she had said 'love', but ploughed on regardless, trying to sort out how best to explain herself without hurting him more. "In fact I really do, but the other you...well sometimes he was just easier to read. No, really!" The Doctor had let out a humourless laugh, clearly not believing her. "I know it sounds backwards, but it was just easier to know what was going on in your head back then. Now you're so...so different. You give me mixed signals, you're not jealous any more really but you flirt with just about everyone and I just don't know where we are any more!"

She stopped, taking a deep breath. "We can't go on like this forever you know. At some point something's going to happen."

"And how do you know that?" Rose relaxed a little – the poison was gone from his voice now, she wasn't afraid of his words any more though they still caused her pain. She could see that his shoulders had slumped, like all the fight had suddenly gone out of him, a puppet with no strings.

Rose stopped herself from shrugging, because the answer to how she knew was simple. "Because I know how you feel. And that's the problem! That's exactly it – something's going to happen, but if you're going to be like this then it might not happen the way that it should and then things'll go wrong and..." She was aware that she was beginning not to make any sense, even to herself, but she had to try and make him see the logic that had driven her to this point. "I'm going to bed." She had not expected herself to say that.

She could see by the Doctor's face that he was hurt and confused and wanted to say more – which was an accomplishment on Rose's part, the fact that she had managed to get him to actually want to talk about his feelings – but she wasn't in the mood now. She had said too much, she had hurt both of them and she needed to sleep on it before she decided what on earth she was going to do next. If anything.

Rose walked towards the door, pausing for a moment without quite knowing why. It felt like there was something else she needed to say. Ah, of course. It was only polite.

"About the regenerating thing." She felt him freeze from the other side of the room. "Thank you for saving my life," she said over her shoulder, not daring to look at him again before she disappeared down the corridor.

She barely heard his answer; in fact she was almost certain that the TARDIS had amplified it just so she would not miss the words he whispered after her. "Thank you for saving mine."

** I hope you liked it. There should be one more chapter coming, this was only ever destined to be a short fic. Anyway, review if you want, and my tumblr is .com, in case you want to know :P**


	2. Chapter 2

**OK, so this was only ever supposed to be a two chapter fic, something small and angsty because let's face it, their relationship couldn't have been sunshine and roses (pun intended) all the time. Still, it looks like there will be more than two chapters now - I got a bit carried away. Hope you enjoy.**

Rose did not really sleep that night. She was too hot and kept turning over and over in her bed, unable to get comfortable. She was half certain that the TARDIS was deliberately making it difficult for her just so she would have to go and talk to him. Well tough. That wasn't going to happen until the morning – well, until she had decided it would be the morning. Time was never really fixed on board the TARDIS, and Rose's sleeping pattern was completely out of kilter.

Eventually about six hours of vague dozing and fitful dreaming had passed, and Rose decided that that was enough time for her to spend moping in her room. She got out of bed and took a long shower, immersed in the odd feeling of not being ridiculously excited to get up and go on their next adventure. On some days she could be tired and grumpy, and sometimes she didn't get up until later, but there was always a flutter of excitement that she couldn't seem to get rid of when she knew they were about to land. Today, for the first time, it was not there.

The TARDIS was quiet, floating in the vortex rather than flying to any particular destination. Rose hoped she wasn't waiting until Rose and the Doctor had resolved their argument to land. That could take a while.

Wasting as much time as was humanly possible, Rose got dressed, dried her hair and put on her make-up. For some reason, she did not put on her shoes. Maybe it was her certainty that they wouldn't be going anywhere until this was sorted out, or possibly it was the idea of having a reason to run back to her room if it all got too intense. Either way, Rose was barefoot when she stepped out into the corridor. She wasn't going looking for the Doctor. She had decided this. She would simply decide what she wanted to do, and would wait for the natural moment that they would collide. Despite the TARDIS having possibly infinite space inside it, Rose tended to stay in a certain few rooms, not wandering too far in case couldn't find her way back. It seemed silly sometimes, considering the fact that, if she did get lost, all she had to do was ask the TARDIS and she would make the console room the second door on the left. Either way, that morning Rose took her familiar path to the kitchen and then the library, strategically pinpointing the console room as the place the Doctor was most likely to be and, hopefully therefore, avoiding any contact with him.

Chance would be a fine thing.

Rose walked into the library and stopped short at the sight of the Doctor atop a long wheeled ladder, running his fingers along the spines of books and through his hair alternatively. He appeared to be searching for a particular volume and had not noticed her. Despite the fact that a part of her was wishing the Doctor would smack himself in the head, the sight of his clinging so precariously to the ladder, only one hand holding on and one leg swinging freely in the air, made Rose feel nervous. It was bizarre, really. Facing down a hundred aliens with guns was fine, but the thought of him toppling down from a high ladder induced a shudder of fear.

"Aha!" shouted the Doctor triumphantly, tucking a thick book under his arm and sliding down the ladder in a way that Rose had assumed people only did in films, and which had the added bonus of making her feel slightly ill as she imagined the crunch of his bones against the floor if he failed to land correctly. Why was she being so morbid and grumpy today? The reason, she rationalised, was probably completely the fault of the idiotic Time Lord in front of her who was now scrutinising the cover of his prized book with a large magnifying glass that had appeared out of nowhere.

Deciding not to attempt any sort of greeting, Rose walked into the room as though she hadn't been standing there for a few minutes, flopping down onto the nearest settee and staring at the ceiling. She figured it was best to act deep in thought to deter him from acknowledging her presence, wanting to observe the way he acted around her before she decided how to continue their conversation.

"How long have you been lying there?" Rose continued to stare at the ceiling until a head of spiky brown hair bobbed into her field of vision.

"Not too long," she replied, internally quite pleased with the balance she had managed to reach with her voice. She did not sound too angry or like she was holding a grudge, but nor was she allowing him to get back to normal and forget about what had happened yesterday. They did enough skirting around the edge of issues that were never talked about, but a full blown argument was not something Rose was going to let him forget in a hurry. Especially since they had left so much unsaid. She sprang up quickly from her position on the settee, nearly hitting the Doctor in the face and ending up only a couple of feet away from him. He was wearing his usual suit and converse and, with his hair in disarray and his glasses on, the urge to just forgive him and also to kiss him became ridiculously strong. Damn it. This would be so much easier if she wasn't completely in love with him. Then again, if she weren't completely in love with him then the argument probably wouldn't have happened in the first place.

"Well, did you want to talk about yesterday or what?" Rose winced at her own bluntness.

"Um, I don't really know what—"The Doctor stepped back hurriedly, spluttering incoherently at her, but Rose interrupted him before he could fob her off with excuses.

"Well, I think you can start by telling me why you made a face yesterday when that bloke assumed we were together." The Doctor scrunched up his nose. "That's what started all this, I might as well hear your explanation before we get sidetracked by any more arguments."

He sighed, but after a few seconds he nodded. Rose remained standing, not exactly sure how this was going to go and so she was keeping the option of being able to run away, just in case she needed to. Not that she was a coward, but if she was going to cry she would rather do it in private than in front of him. She had only just managed to keep her tears contained the day before, and she was not going to allow herself to need comfort from the Doctor right now. She was not going to accept anything from him until this was sorted.

The Doctor himself shifted from foot to foot, seemingly unable to start talking, an unusual situation for him to be in, Rose was sure. "It's just that..." His hand grasped at nothing, as if he were trying to pluck the right words out of the air and string them together into a sentence that could explain everything. "When people say that about us it... they don't understand. They don't understand us or who we are or what we are to each other and it annoys me, because we're not like that, not in the way they mean."

"No we're certainly not," Rose muttered bitterly under her breath, before looking up and realising with dismay that the Doctor had heard every word. "I didn't – oh whatever, this is complicated enough without me jumping on the rubbish excuses bandwagon." She rubbed her eyes and sank down onto the sofa – she couldn't be bothered to try and explain herself when they both knew exactly what she'd said. All those hours of not sleeping were taking their toll on her, and logical reasoning was beginning to seem like something that was just out of her grasp.

"Well, we're together me and you, but not like that," he continued, and this time Rose made certain he caught her look of exasperation. If he wasn't going to pay any attention to their relationship then that was his problem, but Rose wasn't going to have it said that she hadn't given him any signals.

"As long as that's sorted then," she blurted out when she realised that the Doctor had stopped and was just staring at her, eyes too wide and too knowing for her liking, "what about the rest of it?"

He didn't reply. Was he deliberately not answering her out of anger, or could he just not think of what to say? Rose decided to start off with her apology. He did deserve one, after all, and knew it. Maybe his apology to her would follow.

"I am sorry, you know. That I made you feel like you weren't good enough. You are, you know. More than good enough. You are fantastic." _Wrong choice of word! _her brain shouted at her. "You are wonderful, and you are the same person, and you don't care about me any less now than you did then. I do get it, you know. You don't need a Time Lord brain to understand these things."

Rose stood still, twiddling her fingers and waiting. The Doctor opened his mouth to reply, and for a moment she thought that he was about to apologise and that everything would be OK in a flash. The last thing Rose wanted was for the Doctor to think that she didn't like him in this regeneration, or that she thought he didn't care as much for her now as he did back then. If they could get that straightened out now, then the rest would follow shortly, she was sure of it.

She was wrong again.

"I don't really want to do this right now," the Doctor stated evenly, before turning around and walking away. There wasn't really any emotion in his eyes, he seemed to have blocked himself off from her. Rose had read in books about how people's eyes look like they've got shields behind them and they aren't giving anything away, but she had never thought it was something that she would ever see in a real life situation, especially from the Doctor.

"Well tough, because you're going to!" She grabbed his arm and span him around to face her, nearly nose to nose with him. "If you can't talk to me about this right now, then I take back everything I just said. If you're not going to bother then you're just proving my point. You know, that you were definitely easier to deal with before the regeneration, that you cared about me much more back then, and you know it!"

The Doctor's arm stiffened in her grip, and Rose realised, far far too late, that she had crossed the line.

**I know, it's a bit of a cliffhanger of sorts. I feel so mean for doing it, but I couldn't help myself!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry about the wait, here's the next chapter. More shouting and some soul baring - hope you like it.**

_"If you can't talk to me about this right now, then I take back everything I just said. If you're not going to bother then you're just proving my point. You know, that you were definitely easier to deal with before the regeneration, that you cared about me much more back then, and you know it!"_

_The Doctor's arm stiffened in her grip, and Rose realised, far far too late, that she had crossed the line._

For a few moments they both remained entirely still, Rose's words hanging in the air between them. The Doctor slowly turned his head towards her, looking her full in the face without moving another muscle. His eyes were blazing, really and truly blazing like they were alight, and yet Rose was still not scared of him even now. He might've turned his Oncoming Storm look on her, but she knew in her heart that she had no reason to be frightened of someone who cared so much for her.

It was because of the lack of fear that Rose did not remove her hand from his arm, however much she might've wanted to put some distance between them and take a few deep breaths.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and was rewarded with having the Doctor's arm snatched from her grasp. He had turned around to face her fully now, his arms by his sides. The carefully guarded look in his eyes that she had noted earlier had vanished.

"I can't believe that you. After all this time, ever since I regenerated... you've been thinking this?"

"No, no of course I wasn't." Rose was close to tears now. She was desperate, she had to make him understand. "I've never spent any time thinking that. I told you yesterday that sometimes I think you were more straightforward back then, but I wouldn't change what had happened for anything. I only said it 'cause I was angry. You wouldn't talk to me, I wanted to get some sort of reaction out of you."

"I guess that worked."He was treading a thin line between angry and resentful, which was in turn making her feel frustrated and guilty at the same time. Rose was wishing she hadn't tried to drag an answer out of him by antagonising him, but at least he was here talking to her instead of alone, chatting to the TARDIS and bottling everything up. "Didn't it, Rose?"

"Well we needed to talk about it! It's not like we ever actually talk about anything, and normally I don't mind it, but this is important! You told me about what happened on the game station, that on its own is enough to deserve some more explanation, but there was more stuff as well and you just don't seem to care."

"Well you'll have to excuse me for that, it seems most of my concern for you disappeared when I regenerated. At least, that's what you seem to think, right?" He was twisting her words. No matter how clear Rose tried to be about what she was saying, the Doctor always managed to twist it around until she wasn't sure which way was up any more. Stupid Time Lord brain; it was always 2 steps ahead of her in an argument.

"No I don't. I was trying to get a rise out of you, and it seemed to work. The only time you really got out of control yesterday was when you thought I preferred the last you over this you. I thought I'd use that to try and get a response." That had been very cold and calculating of her, more so than she would ever normally be.

"And well done, it worked magnificently. But you still sometimes wish that I wasn't this me. You said so, just after I regenerated, you asked me if I could change back." The Doctor's shoulders had slumped a little, and Rose recognised the fight leaving the Doctor. His reference to her words on that day that seemed so long ago jogged something in her mind, and finally she twigged: it wasn't the first time he had thought about this. Those words, uttered by someone who was scared and confused and had just had her best friend torn away from her, had been haunting him for a year or more (it was hard to tell inside the TARDIS exactly how much time had passed.)

"I don't want you to change back, I never have from the moment I realised you were still the same person on that Christmas day. I have never once doubted that you are my Doctor since that day." Her words were completely sincere, and she could see the Doctor's eyes soften slightly as he realised that she was telling the truth.

"Well why didn't you just say that then, instead of goading me."

Rose sighed, grabbing a handful of her hair in a way that, unhelpfully, reminded her of the Doctor's habit when he was in a stressful situation. "I wasn't goading you," she very nearly shouted, her efforts to make her voice calm and even beginning to fail, "I just needed a way to stop you running away like you always do!"

"And what, tell me please because I would dearly love to know, what exactly is it that am supposed to be avoiding talking about? Why precisely did I run away? Since you seem to know so much better than I do." His voice was sarcastic again, and Rose could feel herself tiring. She did not have the energy for this. Her entire body was having to make the effort to push through with this argument, instead of just giving in and making up so she could get a hug from the Doctor. He gave the best hugs, and right now she needed one more than ever. Still, she was not going to give this up. This was a pivotal moment in their relationship, and she was not going to retreat when she was so close to getting the Doctor to open up finally.

"Because I said that something would have to happen between us at some point, and for some reason you couldn't seem to cope with that! Call me a stupid ape, but I'm getting quite sick of you sitting on the fence about this one."

Rose folded her arms and it was now the Doctor's turn to run his hands through his hair, sticking it up on end in an attempt to regain some control. He turned away and paced down the corridor before returning to his original spot. He was completely silent but his lips were moving, and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before replying. "I can't do that, I'm not a human and I'm not going to try and act like one, I'm not doing the settling-down-in-one-place-mortgage-and-carpets-and-family thing." His voice was frustrated and almost panicked.

"I don't want that!" Rose shouted, stretching her hands out towards him in anger and desperation, "I want to know what you're thinking, so I can know what to expect. If you don't do the relationship thing, if that's too human for you, then that's fine, I'm OK with it. What I'm not OK with," – she paused for breath, readying herself for the wave of disapproval and contradiction she was sure would be coming her way – "is you flirting and getting angry about people mistaking our relationship for something else, them not realising that we are different or whatever, and yet still expecting me not to want anything more than what we have already when that's clearly something that you've been thinking about as well."

Of all the directions this could have been heading, Rose was now certain that she would not have chosen this one. She could just about taste the tension in the air, it was thick and awkward and the urge to just turn away and run back to her room was almost too much. The silence stretched onwards, and it suddenly occurred to her that the Doctor was trying to think of a way to let her down easily. What if he didn't really feel the same way she did about him? What if he had misread the signs? It was a mark of how tired she was that Rose allowed these doubts to consume her, and she felt herself blushing as she attempted to crawl out of the hole she was sure she had dug for herself.

"Or maybe I was wrong. You haven't been thinking about it at all. You don't feel like that. It's fine-" She was cut off then by the Doctor, just about yelling in his efforts to prove that she was wrong.

"I do feel like that about you, I always have!"

Relief flooded through her like warm water, even through all the anger and confusion she was feeling. The sensible course would have been to stop and process those words and their meaning for more than a split second – instead, Rose carried on with the first thing that came to mind. "Well do something about it then, for the love of god!"

"Why does it have to be me? You know me too well to think that I'm going to suddenly be able to act all human about this, why can't you make the first move?"

"Because I have bloody tried my hardest and you are either too stupid to notice, too stubborn to acknowledge me or too indifferent to care!" Rose stopped, chest rising and falling rapidly. That had been a proper shouting match. She had rarely ever screamed at anyone in an argument before, at least not about something as important as this. Her throat was beginning to hurt from the minutes spent trying to restrain herself from shouting, and she had a headache coming on behind her eyes. The Doctor had stopped as well, fists clenched still and breathing hard. Respiratory bypass or not, he was definitely very worked up about this. The silence that followed was much calmer than Rose would've thought possible. It seemed that airing their problems had done them good, however far they were from reaching any conclusions.

"Well," he began after a few moments, "we don't normally do that."

Rose nodded her head slowly, not daring to speak lest she wasn't done shouting yet.

"Is there anything else you want to say?" He seemed to be treading carefully, as though he feared being shouted at again. Rose shook her head this time, knowing that everything of importance had already been said, though not resolved.

The Doctor shoved his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes in the manner of a shy teenager who doesn't quite know what he should do next. "Well... I'll see you later then. I mean," he added quickly, seeing Rose open her mouth indignantly, "I need time – to think about what you said, and decide how to sort it out. So I'll see you later, Rose. And I promise I won't run off this time." He span around and walked slowly off, hands still deep in his pockets and head angled slightly downwards, as he always did when he was thinking deeply about something.

Turning around, Rose saw that a door just in front of her on the left hand side had opened. She took a couple of steps forward before realising that the TARDIS had brought her bedroom to her rather than letting her wander back in this state. She silently thanked the ship before dragging herself into her room and shutting the door behind her. Falling face first onto her bed, Rose realised she had only woken up about an hour or so ago, and yet it felt like days since she had last slept. She sighed and continued to lie there, not even bothering to move.

At some point he would come and find her so they could talk. She just hoped it would be soon. Even with everything that was going on right now, she missed him desperately.

Knowing that there was a Time Lord somewhere on the ship, no doubt awake and thinking the same thoughts that she was did not help her to relax in any way, never mind sleeping.

**Review if you want, thanks for reading. There should be another chapter up soon, it will probably be the last one. Do not worry, they'll be happy at the end, I promise!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well this was a bit longer than intended, but I'm happy with it at last. **

Later on that day (it could have been early evening by that time, but she couldn't tell), when Rose had slept a bit and eaten a little and thought a lot, she decided that enough time had passed for her to go and find the Doctor. She would have let another night pass, but what with her sleepless night and doing nothing all day, her body clock was not working properly and she could not even work out when would be the right time to go to bed. It was better to go and find the Doctor – it wasn't that likely he would be asleep – and get this sorted out. Maybe then she could get a good night's sleep, safe in the knowledge that she and the Doctor were back to normal.

That was just the thing though: would they ever go back to normal? Rose had – stupidly in her opinion– told the Doctor that something was sure to happen between them at some point. She had then asked him what he thought about that the next day, and he had clammed up and refused to talk, before admitting things that she had never dreamed she would hear him say. It was just a shame they were said in a fit of anger rather than love. Despite the Doctor being an alien and therefore more difficult to read than most people, Rose had been sure for a while that he wanted something more than what they had already – if she hadn't thought with absolute certainty that she was right then she probably would not have pressed the matter with him.

The moments had been subtle - a shared glance that revealed more than he intended; a hug that lasted just second longer than normal; those moments when he was certain she couldn't see, and she caught him staring at her with a look in his eyes that she had rarely seen before. Nevertheless Rose had noticed them. Now she had to deal with the fact that the Doctor would probably have never admitted he felt that way about her if she hadn't tried to pry it out of him. She wasn't sure whether she felt guilty about that or just sad.

Instead of deliberately trying to find the Doctor (or avoid him, as had been the case for the last 24 hours or so) Rose decided to just go to the console room and wait. If he wasn't there when she arrived, he would be sure to turn up at some point. She certainly wasn't going to force her company on him. It wasn't like Rose to admit it to herself, but the Doctor being enraged and directing the anger at her... it scared her.

Not because she thought that he would hurt her or anything – Rose knew that he could never do that to her, not in a million years. More because having the Doctor act like that towards her was painful in a different way. She could not bear the condescension and the sarcasm and the spite that came with it. Every insult uttered in the heat of the moment stayed inside her like a lump of rock, reminding her that she wasn't good enough, that he didn't feel that way, that she would have to leave sooner or later. Even if it meant being in complete denial, she would rather be happy than face up to all the truths that both she and the Doctor always brought up during a fit of rage.

The Doctor wasn't in the console room when Rose arrived there, so she curled up on the captain's chair and stared at the time rotor, not really seeing it. It didn't take long before she heard the slap of approaching footsteps coming down the corridor. She stood up, not exactly sure why she was doing so apart from the fact that she was too edgy to remain seated.

She wanted to see him so badly and at the same time she wanted to run and hide and not talk to him about it ever again. Stupid humans with their bloody conflicting emotions. He was going to arrive any second and she had to get control of herself.

And now here he was, standing there in front of her with his hands in his pockets once again. He was making a face that she knew well – it was the face he made when something was really wrong, and he was contemplating whether there was anything he could say that would make it better. Well she hoped he was going to say something, whether or not it was going to make the situation any better. Anything would be better than them both going away and never discussing this again.

Rose went to speak, but the Doctor held up a hand, motioning for her to stop, because he seemed to be on the verge of saying something and it didn't look like it was easy for him. "I'm sorry for the way I talked to you yesterday, and I'm sorry if I upset you." He spoke quickly but sincerely, as though anxious to reassure her before anything else was said. "Got a bit carried away, too much bottled up anger I guess. I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

He didn't say he was completely sorry. He didn't take back everything he had said and grovel. She was glad he didn't. If he had, Rose would have been wondering who he was and what he had done with her Doctor, the rude and not ginger one who apologised all the time, except for when it really mattered to her. Besides, it wasn't as if it had been all his fault.

"I didn't really mean most of what I said to you either. I mean," she qualified, "I meant a lot of it, but I didn't mean to say it like that. You know what I mean. I'm not taking it back or anything, I just wish it hadn't come out like that, it wasn't nice."

"You're too right it wasn't nice," the Doctor agreed, with so much feeling that Rose couldn't help from letting out a laugh at his face. He looked up at her with surprise and a little delight on his face, as though he had thought she would never laugh at some he said ever again. Typical Doctor. Good at the big stuff, but give him a little human thing like a row and he didn't know quite what to do.

"Well, I guess you want to talk to me about it then." And then the Doctor did something Rose did not expect. Long limbs folding with surprising grace for something so sharp and angular, the Doctor sat down on the floor, legs crossed and elbows on his knees. He looked up at Rose, frowning as though _she _were the one who was acting strangely. "Come on then!"

Rose sat down obediently, still too stunned by his apparent willingness to talk that she couldn't think of any sort of witty comeback. She observed him as he fidgeted slightly, shifting and twirling his fingers together. He looked a little bit nervous, but there was also just the slightest edge of seriousness to his face that made her feel that he still didn't want to be doing this. Why was he, then? Was it for her? Was he tired of them fighting and just wanted to get it out the way as soon as possible? Had the TARDIS gotten involved? Rose sincerely hoped that the TARDIS had been prodding the Doctor towards this ever since they had first argued – often he needed a kick up the arse to get him to open up even slightly, and this time it couldn't be Rose doing the kicking.

"To be honest I feel like an idiot." He was rubbing the back of his neck again and not looking her in the eye. "I know I never... well, talk to you about anything and I shouldn't have been surprised that you weren't taking that lying down. My Rose Tyler, follows her heart and to hell with anyone who tries to stop her." There was so much pride in his voice that Rose was smiling again before she knew it. The Doctor risked a glance at her, actually connecting his eyes with hers for a second before looking away, deciding that his converse boots were a much better thing to focus on.

"I don't like to think about the future because I can see it in my head. All the timelines and the possibilities and it makes it so much harder to bear when you see the happy ending that could have been and know that it's not going to happen. That's why I'm like this. I can't go back but I can't make myself take a step forward so I'm stuck here." He paused for a moment, possibly hoping for some sign that Rose had accepted what he had just told her, but she remained impassive, giving nothing away. "Hopefully that sort of explains the flirting and the not telling you what I'm thinking and the running away from ever resolving any of it. Maybe. Kind of."

"Yeah, I guess it sort of nearly kind of maybe possibly almost does." She was teasing him now, and the mischievous light in his eyes and the curl of his tongue in his smile (he had nicked that from her, she was sure of it) relaxed her just a bit more. "I mean, that isn't to say that I agree with all the things you've ever done, but I definitely understand why you acted like you did."

The Doctor nodded, opening his mouth and shutting it before pulling on his ear – he was clearly having trouble phrasing his next thought. "You telling me that you wished I hadn't regenerated- even if you didn't mean it," he added quickly, seeing Rose about to stop him right there, "it just pushed me over the edge. You said it yourself that that was the only thing that made me lose it – that's probably because I was so worried that it was true."

"Well it isn't." Rose was firm and clear, putting a stop to any further doubting or self-pitying that might be coming her way. "It's not true and I'm sorry I said it." She paused, saying each word slowly as it formed and hoping that what came out would make sense. "I think I'm more sorry that you ever thought it, if you know what I mean. I'm sorry that you had the feeling that I couldn't accept you like this, because even when I've been more frustrated with you than I ever have with anyone in my life – and believe me, you managed it – I would never want you to change back. Ever."

The Doctor laughed, looking away from her eyes and rumpling his hair as he did so. "OK, OK, I get it, you love me just the way I am – how could you not? I mean, look at me! – and just so you know, I feel the same way about you."

Raising an eyebrow, Rose pressed her lips together to avoid a smile. "Excuse me. _I _didn't change my face."

"Yeah, but you got a haircut and for a little while I couldn't recognise the back of your head. It was a worrying couple of days, believe me."

"Wow. For an alien with an amazingly complex brain, you can be really thick sometimes," Rose told him, clambering to her feet and wriggling her left foot, which had gone to sleep. The Doctor was standing up in front of her in a split second (how did he do that, did he have springs attached to the bottom of his shoes?)

"Yeah, that's me – thickety thick face, always will be." There was something in the way he was standing and the face he was pulling that made Rose sure that he had something else he needed to say, so, instead of asking him where they were going next or dragging him off to the kitchen to get food, Rose waited calmly, thumbs hooked over the edges of her pockets in an effort to keep casual. It didn't take more than five seconds for the Doctor to blurt out what he was thinking – the urge to open his gob and talk incessantly couldn't be overridden by awkwardness, apparently.

"And um, Rose, about us." He was staring at her with something akin to longing in his eyes, but there was pain in there too as well as uncertainty and she couldn't decipher which was more prevalent. "I'm not going to promise anything, 'cause that wouldn't be right or fair to either of us, but I'm going to try. Really, I am. At least, for now, is that enough?" Rose nodded slowly, grinning in spite of her attempts to keep herself calm. It might not be a great leap forward, but she knew they had to take baby steps with this. The Doctor might not have acted, but he had accepted what she had said and that she was right. That was good enough for her – for the moment, at least. She had never dreamed that she would be able to get the Doctor to talk to her about anything like this. It felt like a weight off of her chest, and she could tell it felt the same way for the Doctor, who leaned back on his hands, blowing upwards and ruffling his messy hair.

"Well, that's my quota of talking about feelings for the next couple of regenerations. Joke!" He held up his hands as Rose gave him a withering look. She jumped to her feet and turned towards the console as the Doctor did the same. "Oi, aren't you forgetting something?" She turned around, seeing the Doctor standing with his armed outstretched, giving her that look that she knew so well – sad, wide eyes mixed with a little bit of genuine need and a lot of loving smile. She was in his arms in a heartbeat, the movements as easy and familiar as breathing.

Hugging the Doctor, after over 24 hours of not talking and bubbling with anger, felt like settling into a warm bed – a warm bed that felt beautifully familiar and smelled wonderful. Even as he held her more closely to him, Rose felt as if something had been tied tightly around her chest, and that it was finally loosening. It was only now that she realised how sad and lonely arguing with the Doctor had made her. It was true that he was the only person that she had to talk to, without calling her mum for course, but it was more than that. It hurt to not be able to talk to the one person she was closest to. The idea that they might never have gotten over the feelings of awkwardness and anger that their argument had stirred up had definitely crossed her mind, and although the thoughts seemed silly now, Rose had spent a good deal of time try not to imagine what life would be like on the TARDIS when she no longer had the Doctor's friendship and love.

Finding tears brimming in her eyes, and feeling utterly stupid for crying because she was just so happy to have him back, Rose pressed her face into his shoulder. The Doctor's hand cradled the back of her head and he was muttering something that sounded like "it's alright, you'll be alright." The feeling of him stroking her hair made her want to stay in that position forever, but at last she pulled away, trying to wipe her eyes on her sleeve as discreetly as possible. Not that there was any point to that – if there was one thing the Doctor was always aware of, it was when she had been crying. He didn't always say anything about it, but Rose could tell that he always knew.

"So, where to next, Rose Tyler?" the Doctor asked her. The question might have been familiar, but he sat down on the seat just behind him and patted the empty space to his right, indicating that Rose could sit there if she wanted.

"Oh I don't know, somewhere back in the Earth's history." Rose plonked herself down on the seat next to him, leaning on him and crossing her legs.

The Doctor seemed enthused by her choice, immediately listing all the fantastic places and times they could visit, counting them on his fingers and glancing at Rose every now and then to see if she approved.

She relaxed against him, idly thinking, with a smile and a generous splash of hope, that at some point in the future, when someone assumed that she and the Doctor were "together" in _that _way, that person might actually be correct.

**Finished! Hope you liked it, drop a review in if you want, follow me on tumblr if you like (greatbigouterspacedunce), and thanks for sticking with me to the end :)**


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